Are We Meaner To One Another?

In the three and a half years that I have been a radio talk show host, I have had more than 400 interviews with some very famous people. Some were my friends for the hour, others remain friends with me on a personal level to this day. Out of all of those interviews I only had three difficult ones that I regretted doing—two of them were within the last ten days. I did sit back and think what role I played in the interview meltdown process.

I am not a mean person, in fact I don’t get paid for doing my show and any money I do make I give away to non-profit organizations like NAMI, St. Jude’s or The Lupus Foundation. I began this show out of desperation—many years ago I suffered a horrible loss and I went into a severe, debilitating and crushing depression. I began doing ymhtr because I never wanted anyone to feel like they were alone in their suffering the way I did.

So, why all the anger—the drama—the angst over something that should be a good thing. First I think I started the show with principles that I let slide over the last year or so. Most of my guests that have become friends, whose shows had the highest ratings came on the air not to sell more books or cd’s but because they cared about the show and shared my passion and vision. A guest that comes on to plug a book, cd or any other product has no place on ymhtr because that is not what the show is about.

Do I endorse certain guests books , products or services? Yes, but not without having used them myself, read them myself or listened to them myself. So now here is where the mean part comes in. We are living in an age where we are now over communicating. We have iphones where we can talk, text, tweet, blog or facebook people 24/7. It is a lot easier to be nasty when u r doing it via email or through a representative. We have depersonalized one another, we are no longer hurting people’s feelings because we feel that sending nasty emails dressed up with fancy words isn’t mean, right? We make friends virtually, and now we hurt one another virtually without much thought before we hit the send button. I am as guilty of this as anyone. It is part of our culture…social media. Mad at your friend? Just kick em off of your facebook page and send them a scathing email. How about leaving a nice nasty voicemail so that your rage is the first thing they wake up to in the morning? That outta be real nice. Now trust me, there are some people who need to be kicked off of your facebook page, who need to be cut out of your life…not everyone is going to get along. But the anger, hostility and the “hey it’s just business” attitude is a lot of bs. When you personally attack someone for doing you a favor—it is not just business—it makes u cruel period. And for u to then turn around and tell that person that they r mean and spiteful for reacting to your bad behavior means that u r in a serious denial and may be in need of one of two things; a serious ass whoopin or an etiquette class: perhaps both? So, to all of my facebook friends, blog readers, radio listeners, fellow tweeters I say to u in the words of the brillian philosopher Rodney King: “can’t we all just get along?” I am going to try. It doesn’t mean that I will always succeed or that I will let people walk all over me like a doormat or make me feel that they r more than and I am less than because 20 years ago they were associated with someone well known. But it does mean that I will not let their ugliness become my ugliness, that I will not make them feel in the right by telling them they r wrong. They already know they r wrong and that is why they r so darn angry. Everyone walks around thinking that they r great, that they don’t hurt others intentionally and that they are being persecuted at every turn but newsflash…if out of 400 interviews I had 60 conflicts, 100—I’d say that I was the one with the problem. Many years ago in my 20’s this would have been the case.

My brother said I was like a wolverine. He was right. But to have 3 conflicts out of more than 400 interviews means I am doing okay, and I am pleased with my work and the emails, phone calls and letters I receive from so many listeners of ymhtr make my day. I think I have the nicest listeners on blogtalk because we r all united in many ways whether it be depression, anxiety, addiction, low self-esteem, bereavement or just a plain loss of joy for life—we have all walked a mile in the others shoes. I cannot say the same for the three guests who were problematic and whose shows are no longer a part of my archives. Another great invention aside from the iphone is the delete key. If someone sends u something negative, delete it—don’t read it—and hey, you don’t even have to respond to them. Why give them the satisfaction—a person can live in a 20 MM dollar mansion, drive a rolls Royce, go to church every Sunday, be a bestselling author, an actor, a producer and still be a complete jackass. Fame and money is not a precursor to how courteous or kind someone is going to be. I have found that out the hard way folks. We tend to idolize people in our society who know the right people or who own a lot of nice things. But we came into this world with nothing and guess what? We’re leaving it the same way. Everything u think u own, u only rent. But let me tell ya, I grew up rich—I made an obscene amount of money in my 20’s and 30’s and I was joyless.

Now I make less, I have less friends—but the quality of the friendships are better. I am not a big bible person but I do like the quote that says that it is easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle than for a rich man to make it into the kingdom of Heaven. I also like the saying take the beam out of your own eye before you take the splinter from mine. Now, don’t get me wrong, being rich is not bad—In fact, I rather enjoyed it—and even now I love to buy presents for my friends and see them smile. It makes me feel good to make other people happy. And yes, yesterday I bought myself an iphone. But let us all remember that on the other side of our emails, there are real people with real feelings. You do not own the market on hurt feelings—if you are unhappy with how something turned out—thank the person and in your own mind just say well, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.

But to lash out at someone who was trying to help u, trying to do good for u and others and then pouting about it later makes u the fool. When u try to play me, u only end up playing yourself. Yeah, I stole that quote from someone…he knows who he is…and he was right. So in the end, have we gotten meaner to one another? The answer is yes. Why? Because we can and humans often will do what they can get away with 9 times outta 10. So, if you r listening to this show and u are scheduled to be a guest this month, October or November just a few pointers—it is a talk show so u have to talk…if u don’t I’m going to overshadow u by a country mile. Second, listen to shows I have done in the past, do your homework on me as I do mine on you and lastly, don’t just listen to the shows with the celebrities. Those r fun shows but the best shows r the ones done by guests like Elyn Saks, Janet Conner, Barb Rogers Brad Scriber, Raymond Moody, Irv Yalom, E. Torrey Fuller and others. Also, if you listen to the show and u don’t like my radio style; it’s okay not to listen—in fact I ask that you do not to listen—I don’t need to hear what I’m doing wrong when I am having fun. I am doing this for me, and for the memory of a loved one and for all of those that need to hear a kind voice that makes them laugh, even when I thought I’d never laugh again. Well we have some great shows coming up, the new season on ymhtr begins Monday at 8 pm et with barb rogers and it’s gonna be a whole lotta fun. So join us here on ymhtr talk radio for your mind, body, spirit and soul. And remember, only nice people are invited to the party. Until next time I wish u all a good day and good health…