It is 4 AM almost and I am on my way out to go get a Slurpee from the 7-Eleven. I have been craving ice a lot lately. When you crave or chew ice it is called pica and it usually means you are iron deficient which makes sense with lupus. So I chew ice like crazy or drink frozen drinks.
The house is quite. Everyone is asleep but me...hell even the dog is asleep! Lee is of course on the couch but what's new. He does not want to change, he wants me to change and I have but not enough for him to be happy with me or love me. I have grown tired and I don't even cry that much anymore. He says it doesn't work on him and I said "Idiot, I am not crying for your benefit or your sympathy because I already know you're heartless...I am crying for me so go jump off a bridge or something, please!" He just talks to hear his own voice. He can be the greatest guy or the meanest one and when I leave I will never come back here except to see my children and I will stay in a hotel or at my parents.
I am sad it is over, I had high hope but it is over and he wants it this way or he would seek professional help. His problems r with him he just takes them out on me. It's hard to take.
So, it I am on the radio and sound all happy, it's fake...but it is my job so I do my best. See you on the air tonight at 8 pm EDT with author Sondra Kornblatt, great show! www.blogtalkradio.com/yourmentalhealth
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