I just spent three hours trying to talk to my husband Lee about saving our marriage. What a waste of my time! It is now 4:15 AM and nothing has been resolved. We owe about $8,000 on back bills and with my income we could catch up by 10/10, but at this point I am thinking that I need my money to move and he is going to have to man up and figure out how to pay the bills. I have been providing for him financially for years and I am tired of it. He blames me for everything...everything that is wrong is because of me. All I have ever wanted from this man since 1986 has been his love, and in the 20 years we have been married he has been cold, distant and unloving. He does not hold me, kiss me, take me out, spend time with me or talk to me. We live in the same house but rarely sleep in the same bed. He sleeps on the coach...he says it's not on purpose he just falls asleep. Yeah, right. I have gone out there at 11 PM and said hey, you're falling asleep come to bed and he says OK. The next morning I wake up alone as always. Now when he does sleep in the bed it is actually annoying because I'm used to having it all to myself.
Tonight he came up with 100 reasons why things were not working with us and I came up with 101 ways we could make it better. But he doesn't WANT to make it better. I am done fighting him. I am going to file the divorce papers we had drawn up on 10/3 and then I am moving out. I do not want to hurt my children, but this environment is abusive and letting them see us this way is more wrong then splitting up. If he losses the home (which his mom will not let happen, he always has a woman to rescue him) then they can come live with me, but I am leaving the state. He can live in an apartment and as a disabled person he can get a ton of financial assistance that I can not get even though I am sicker than he is!
When I leave here I told him I will never be back. It will not be like last time. I will not call him, I will not accept his calls and I do not care if he is living in a box over a grate in Philly. I have done my best to make this marriage work over the last few years, but he does not want it to. He wins. He wins a life without me in it. May it make him as happy and peaceful as he thinks it will because I assure you it will not. He is a fool. But how much do you want to bet he will be remarried in about a year and I will be alone forever? That's how these things work, right? Well, I will miss my home--I have lived here since I was 19. I will miss my children on a daily basis, my parents...but I need to do this for me. I am dying inside and it hurts more and more each day. Jackie
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
is this true ms. foreman? can't you talk to him instead of to all of us about your problems? Im sorry to hear about having a hard time.
ReplyDeleteI talk to him daily...and yes we are trying to work our problems out but divorce happens...and this blog is public but it is more for me than anyone else. If others read it and can get something from it GREAT. I'm all about sharing my pain to help others in pain which is why I do my radio show and thsi blog. If some people find it offensive I say, don't read it...cause I write what I feel in the moment. That is what writers do and I am a writer...it's how I make my living. It is who I am.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with sharing your problems with as many people as you like, whomever you like and wherever you like! :-)
ReplyDelete