Who Me? Codependent?

Okay, my name is Jacqueline Foreman and I am completely codependent. So what does it mean to be codependent--each person may have their own definition but this is what the dictionary says:

Codependent: of or pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way.

Now how does this apply to me. I have been married for 21 years so I have not been in a codependent love relationship for a long time, but I do have codependent friendships and that is why some of them do not work out. It is mostly my fault--I will move heaven and earth to make my friends happy because I think they will not like me if I am not doing something for them. I think that just being me is not good enough and I need to do more...give them gifts, knock myself out working for them 24/7 even at the expense of my own health and well being.

I have been this way since I was a kid. I never thought I was good enough, smart enough, funny enough. I was less than and I let people use me and hurt me in some horrible ways. My husband Lee was the first person who liked me when I was broke, 18 and had nothing to offer. He made me who I am--the good parts of me--and that is why our marriage deserves a 2nd, 3rd and 4th chance. He is not a bad man; we have just had a string of tragedies and they have torn us apart. We are changed people. We married one person and now we are different people due to circumstances that were outside of our control.

Now if you are one of my friends and you are reading this don't get all paranoid. When I notice a flaw in myself naturally I want to fix it and this is very problematic for me. For me to think I am not worthy of unless I am knocking myself out for them means I have serious self-esteem issues. This makes me feel terrible and isolated. I even feel this way with certain family members!

So this is what I am doing, I signed up for an online codependency course that comes with a workbook and I am also working with a great self esteem and codpendency expert 1:1. So I hope to be codependent no more in the coming weeks. Friends that truly care about me will like the changes--those that are not true friends will not. All will be revealed.

Tonight the new season of my radio talk show begins. I have a great guest joining me at 8 PM EDT for the hour at www.blogtalkradio.com/yourmentalhealth. Hope you can join us! Jackie